What is it like being married to a Doula?

This is the question my wife asked me, and she asked me to write something about it.  Well… it took me a while to gather my thoughts in order to properly display the joyful tumult that it is.  

My wife has come home after 24 hours on her feet, so ecstatic that she can’t fall asleep.  She has come home after two births, nearly back-to-back over a 72 hour period, in a near delusional state of incomprehension. She has come home after a birth in tears, because she was so tired.  Why does someone do this to their self?  Why would someone do that willingly?  Why would someone do that to their family?  

These questions are surprisingly easy to answer. It also becomes quite obvious if you have ever met the woman I am blessed to call my wife.  It is because she loves people.  She loves helping people, she loves being there for them, and supporting these moms through one of the toughest and most challenging parts of their lives.  

You should see how she wakes up in the middle of the night for those stress-filled phone calls.  Usually it is the father-to-be, and I can hear the restrained panic in their voice.  Sometimes it is the Mom-to-be and I can hear the knife-edge of fear in their voice.  My wonderful wife goes from dead asleep to wide awake in the matter of seconds.  She talks to them and reassures the unnerved future parent that everything will be fine, that they can do this, and that she will see them shortly.  My wife doesn’t pause for a second.  She gathers her items together and off she goes to the hospital, or birthing center, or home of the mom.  

What the recipients of her care do not know, is that my wife has been preparing for this moment for months.  She has all of her items stored and ready to go.  She is organized and trained for the moment she is needed.  She has spent countless hours getting to know the new family and setting up for their newest addition.  She loves them, and she loves the babies.

You might think this is a struggle, and a strain on our family.  It has never been difficult for us.  There are moments when it becomes a challenge to manage the time between my work and her’s, but we always make it work.  We are a team in this.  This is her gift and she uses this gift as a bless family after family.  If I can do anything to make her work easier, it is to take care of our children and our home while she is out helping a family bring the newest blessing into the world.  

I love my wife.  I love her as a woman.  I love her as a friend. Most of all, I love how she blesses everyone she meets.  What better way can she bless someone than by helping to ease some of the struggle and trial from their lives, when they are about to experience one of the most important moments in any couple’s life.

Joe Spann